April 15, 2021

“He that answers a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” Proverbs 18:13

Numerous studies have identified communication as one of the top reasons for couple’s therapy, as well as one of the top reasons for divorce. Communication problems impact all sorts of relationships. Have you ever struggled to communicate with someone? If so, who? Your spouse? Your children? Your parents? Everyone? The average person speaks between 5,000-16,000 words per day! Yet, the motor mouth and the close-lipped struggle to truly understand and effectively communicate with one another. We may say a lot or a little, but how beneficial and truly impactful is our communication? God’s word has much to say, pun intended, regarding communication. Here then are three biblical guidelines to better relationships through effective communication.

Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of
                                                   understanding will draw it out.”
                                                                                                 Proverbs 20:5

Listen to hear. Part of the key to effective communication is listening to hear instead of listening to reply. It’s all too easy to get caught up in what we want to say and forget to truly hear the other person. We don’t have to formulate a magical response in order to be good communicators. God’s Word guides us to listen to the other person so that we truly hear them. Only after we listen well, and truly understand, can we effectively respond.

Prepare your response. How do you handle communication in difficult situations? Do you need space from others to work through issues independently? Maybe you desperately need a quiet place to think and perhaps pray? Or when difficult situations arise do you seek out someone to help process your thoughts and feelings? Maybe you need to share your burdens to find relief? Does it bother you when your spouse, child, or friends deal with difficulty, suffering, or hard times differently than you?

Is any among you afflicted? Let him pray.”
                                                                                           James 5:13(a)

      “Call upon me in the day of trouble;
                        I will deliver thee.”

                                                                    Psalm 50:15

                             “A wise man listens to advice.”
                                                                                                                         Proverbs 12:15, 13:10

“For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war, and in a multitude of counselors there is safety”.
Proverbs 24:6

t is a good thing to take time to yourself to pray and work through difficulties. It is good to call to the Lord for help in difficult situations. It is wise to take counsel from others in difficult times.

Anyone who’s ever been married knows you don’t have to lead a nation to wage war in difficult circumstances with others. Pray, call to the Lord, and seek wise counsel before you launch an attack and cause irreparable harm. I can personally attest to the value of seeking counsel from a wise older Christian woman whose advice saved me from a lot of heartache. She instructed me in a godly way how to walk in difficulty and I look back with gratitude and thank God for her counsel in that particular battle.

Speak with wisdom. Wisdom is understanding how to apply knowledge. When it comes to good communication, knowing what to say comes after listening to hear and preparing your response. But, understanding how to say it is a different thing entirely.

                           “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh                                                                            word stirs up anger.”
                                                                                                             Proverbs 15:1

“Know this my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”
James 1:19

Research shows the human brain functions on the level of a Rhesus monkey when experiencing anger. So, speaking when angry is usually a bad idea. If possible, allow the emotion to subside, give yourself a 20-minute break, make sure you have truly heard the other person, prepare your response, and then speak calmly and thoughtfully. In other words, speak with wisdom.

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for behind the words.” -Roy T. Bennett. Communication is a gift given to us by God. We can use this precious gift to build up our relationships with others, or we can use it to destroy them. May we enjoy the benefits of communication and heed the dangers of it, for in it lies much power.  

Brooke Russell is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Cord of 3 Counseling, wife of 9 years and mother of 3.

Training and Discipleship

The Cord of 3 training and discipleship program serves the community by offering educational seminars on various mental health and related topics (parenting subjects, coping with loss, warning signs of addiction) as well as conferences, retreats, and seminars for area churches on matters that pertain to God’s design for the family.

Counselor Education & Supervision

Cord of 3’s Counselor education and supervision program is deigned to support interns who are completing their master’s degree, counselors who are working toward licensure, and professionals who are working to integrate their Chritian faith into their clinical practice.

Equine Therapy

Cord of 3’s equine therapy program is designed for individuals ages 7 and up as well as women ages 13+ and families. Equine therapy can help individuals and families overcome challenges, cuiltivate healthy relational skills, build trust, improve interpersonal and behavioral functioning, and create positive self-concept and identity in Christ.

Play God’s Way

A Christ-centered play therapy model to meet teh spiritual, emotional, and mental health needs of children. Through play therapy, children learn to accept responsibility for behavior, engage in healthy coping strategies, acquire problem-solving skills, develop empathy for others, and gain an understanding of identity in mChrist.


Addictions always originate in pain… The question is never ‘why the addiction?,’ but rather ‘why the pain?’” (Dr. Gabor Maté). Counselors can help those struggling with addictions address underlying painful issues and then break the addictive patterns.

Child & Adolescent

Behavioral issues at home or in school often have an underlying cause, such as trauma, depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions. The experienced staff at Cord of 3 meets each child with love, builds trust, and applies effective treatment that approaches the root cause of the behavior.

Marriage & Family

As in couple’s counseling, family counseling focuses on the relationship and dynamics within the family unit and between the individual members of it. Counselors will help clients identify unhealthy or unhelpful patterns, and to address them by developing healthier communication and conflict resolutions skills, create realistic expectations, and restructure familial roles to benefit everyone. The ultimate goal is to help the family be better able to thrive as a team.


Every person will at some point have at least one potentially traumatic experience, but this doesn’t impact everyone in the same ways. When struggling to process and move on from negative life experiences, therapy offers a powerful method of finding support and healing.


Individual counseling can help overcome the sometimes overwhelming fear and hopelessness by helping you better understand the conditions that led to the emotional brokenness you are experiencing, and applying healthy coping skills against them.