Discontentment vs. Contentment

The Highs and lows of Married life

​Throughout this year, Cord of 3 is focusing the theme of our articles on a “Battle Plan for the Family.”  So far, we have looked at the concepts of Spiritual Warfare and Personal Attacks.  Over the next three months, we will be focusing on the Attacks that are occurring directly against the family.  For April of 2022 in particular, we are going to zero in on the marriage unit with a look at how being content versus being discontent is a battle for every couple.
 
God’s design for the marriage is a beautiful design.  In Genesis 2, God gave us a reason to consider marriage when he spoke the words, “it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18).  Here, He is not making a statement about something that he did wrong when he created Adam alone in the garden.  He is giving us a reason to pause and consider what His created purposes might be reflecting.  The marriage unit reflects the beauty, communion, and relationship that exists within the God-head.  And as a result, God established the institution of the marriage, a one-flesh union between the man and his wife and they were both “naked and unashamed” (Genesis 2:25).  Now, as a one flesh couple, it is good.  It is good for a man to find a wife.  It is good for a marriage to be strong emotionally and spiritually.  It is good for a man and a woman to be open, transparent, and vulnerable with each other as they walk through the ups and downs in this life together.  It is good for the man and his wife to bear children, raise them up to be followers of Jesus and it is through the one flesh marriage, that children first learn about God. 

And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

​There are many days over the course of a marriage, seasons and occasions when Satan will attack the marriage unit attempting to divide the man and his wife from each other and ultimately from God.  We must always remember that Satan’s goal is to destroy and that he will use whatever means he can to destroy not just the marriage, but the whole family.  He attempts to devour the marriage through financial troubles, communication difficulties, parenting disagreements, or even through personality conflicts.  But there is one attack that is utterly brutal and yet most often, the couple doesn’t even know he is attacking.  This attack is called discontentment, a lack of satisfaction with one’s life as it is, a sense of grievance or annoyance. 
 
There are reasons why a couple might come to a point of discontentment with the marriage or with each other.  It is easy, when you are doing daily life together, to begin to take each other for granted, to feel like things have slipped into a rut, or the busyness of life makes it hard to recharge the emotional batteries of the marriage.  It is common for a couple to find themselves at the proverbial “7 year itch” and find themselves there about every 7 years.  This discontentment is dangerous to the couple because it makes the grass look greener on the other side of the fence.  Thoughts can get turned to “what ifs” or possibilities of things being different if the person were different.  As these thoughts and feelings begin to etch their way into the marriage, Satan has surely been doing his work. 
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How do we wage war against this           
​                  discontentment in our marriage?

We must first find the root.  What is at the root of your discontentment?  This can be a tricky question to answer.  Sometimes it’s straightforward:  You’ve grown apart and have become more roommates than husband and wife.  But often there’s a deeper issue.  Use the following questions as a starting place for some self-reflection:

• Do you need to deal with some personal baggage from your past?
• Do you need to reconnect with your spouse on an emotional level?
• Do you avoid having deeper conversations and times of intimacy with your spouse?
• Do some of your spouse’s habits drive you a little crazy?

Sometimes there are issues within the relationship such as a lack of trust, poor communication, no spiritual connection, or not enough quality time together.  The list of potential problems is endless.  Even little things can build up and create real discontentment in the marriage.  The goal is to seek God, ask Him to help you see yourself first (Matthew 7:3-5) so that you can begin to change any of your own patterns that are contributing to the discontentment. 
 
After identifying what some of those underlying issues might be that is making your relationship a challenge, talk about these issues with your spouse or get a Spiritual brother or sister in Christ to give you some guidance to help you begin to affect change in your marriage.
 

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the real source of the cure

​​Next, we must reconnect with the real source of the cure for discontentment.  Christ is the only One who can bring us true fulfillment.  When we look to Jesus to be our main source of life, He becomes the highest priority in our lives.  Everything starts with Jesus.  We must take those root causes for our discontentment to Jesus and seek him for the answers.  Sometimes we will try to replace Him with our spouse.  But our spouse will always fall short.  A surefire way to create discontentment in your marriage is to expect your spouse to do what only God can do.  When we ask our spouse to be the source of our contentment with life, it places an unfair burden on them and sparks an unhealthy dependency in us.  The best thing you can do for your self and for your marriage is to develop your personal connection to God through an active faith.  Allow God to be the source of your happiness. 
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The final step for fighting against discontentment is for you to go directly to your spouse and find some connection points.  You might feel that you have already attempted to talk with your spouse many times over but we suggest you go at it again.  Hopefully, the difference now is that this conversation starts with you plugged into the right source – God.  Looking to Christ, not to your spouse, for your contentment in life.  Instead of a desperate attempt to get your spouse to change so that you can feel better, you can approach this conversation from a place of abundance.  Of course, that Christ-centered abundance doesn’t mean that you suddenly move from a discontent marriage to a content marriage, but hopefully, it begins the process of renewing your marriage so that together you both can fight the good fight of faith against the attacks of satan. 
 
Your conversation with your spouse needs to address what is and what is not working and needs to be solution focused.  Begin to search with your spouse for connection points.  These are the sorts of things you enjoyed together before the discontentment began.  Or it can be completely new interests and passions to renew your relationship.  There’s juts one requirement:  the activities need to be things you do together to foster unity and attachment.  It is time to renew that weekly date night so that you can have some fun together, make new memories together, and laugh together.  Or, invest time together in some ministry or hobby or shared interest.  When you are working together for the same cause, it fosters communication, problem solving, and skill building.  These are great skills that every marriage needs.
 
Satan is always seeking out ways to devour and destroy your marriage.  IF you begin to allow discontentment to settle into your marriage, you are opening the door for more difficult days ahead.  That is why we are encouraging you to go to battle for your family, take action to strengthen your marriage, reach out with love to your spouse, or minister to those around you who you can see need some encouragement.  It is past time to create a new spark and work for contentment in your marriage.  Keep Christ first and your spouse second and enjoy the journey.